Just When It Feels OK It Feels The Same

I haven't written in a day or so had an errand to run the other day and am not so familiar with having to take Taxi Cabs but I did.  So I called the night before to order a cab and she told me $18.00.  I just couldn't believe the cost or that she didn't have a flat rate to your house is this..... and every mile is this..... But whatever desperate I used this woman.  Literally she pulled up to my house at 8 am and the bumper of this white car, the cab smelling gross she told me that because of gas prices going up it would be $20.00 and she was sorry she forgot.  So she had the miles clocked and I literally when 1.8 miles and she charged me $20.00 and then I needed to be picked up so I get in the cab and she tells me that this is her own business she has been running for 16 years and I think to myself then why would you of forgotten that you raised your rates????  What because I am a first time/last time customer.  When she dropped me off  to my home again another $20.00 for taking me 3.6 miles.  I just find that to of made me really sick to my stomach.  I am easy to be taken advantage of and really I have nothing but I will let people squeeze everything out of me.
Yesterday I got a notice from DMV about the plates, etc.  But to make the long story short there was a fine involved because I didn't return everything to DMV by the 28th of February so I called Trenton this morning and Fran was a sweetheart she explained everything would be lifted since the car was sold before the 28th of February and hadn't been in my possession, but I need to go to Eatontown to take care of the fine lifting all agencies are not able to do what I guess the main agencies can do.  So he was going to take me to DMV tonight but to the local one and I called him at 8:45 am and explained everything was fine and just that I need to take the paperwork and bring everything to Eatontown.  I don't know why I set myself up for disappointment but I did it's like he can't handle doing that for me.  Friday he has a luncheon with his coworkers, fine.  I mentioned Saturday and got oh do you know how busy they will be, blah blah blah, but you know what I would wait hours for him if I had to.  It's about sacrifices he is unwilling to make and I have to say it just shut down my day, feeling fed up and not having a single soul to count on just has started to open my eyes and scare me even more.  Makes me sad, I wish I just had the support that someone deserves when they are going through tough times.  But I really only have me and that's it.
The kids are doing good.  Tonight is Parent/Teacher for my oldest and I had asked him if he could drop me off and pick me up when I was done and he did say he could  but at this point I don't want anything from him I feel let down like he picks and choices what he feels like and the rest he has a great way of making me feel like a complete idiot.  So I just sent him a message and said thank you for offering to take me but I am ok for P/T.  His response was you found a ride (LOL) or your not going.  I just said not going.  He asked why.  I said it doesn't matter.  I am in that mood again where I want to shut this world out. 
I have helped so many and to a person that helps everyone else but when I ask for his help it's either ok, I guess and then later thrown in my face and it really, really hurts.  I guess it's time to just want nothing from him and figure how to handle this without him.

My Nannie, My Angel XoXo

In 3 day will be the 3 years annivesary of losing my Nannie, I sometimes feel like if she was still hre things would be different.  I will never forget her last words as she struggled to say them "I Love You Too", As I sat next to her being so sick and incoherient I told her I Loved Her and she never ever would of not said it back.  I will never forget my last hours with the most special woman who touched my heart.  Nannie I miss you and wish you were still here but I know you are an angel, MY ANGEL. ~EMC